Homework, by popular demand*
*at least, one Lovely Commenter asked for it. But this is the abridged version - I took out a big wodge of irrelevant ranting and self-doubt.
**********
Oh God, Homework. I spent all afternoon yesterday stating my expectations - that Dash would start his homework now. Now after this snack. Now after this one game. Now in time to watch the TV show. As soon as dinner was done. He agreed, or said nothing, and then he just ignored it, and me, over and over and over. I threw in the towel.
I hate homework, but maybe there's more to it than that. I am the sort of person who does things first to get them out of the way: I used to eat my vegetables first so I could enjoy my dinner once they were gone; I used to do my math homework first to get it over with. To me, this seems like a good way to work, and the ethos and habit I want to pass on to my children.
But I know not everyone functions this way. (Their father did his math homework first too, but in his case because it was his favourite. I'm not sure what he did with his vegetables. Probably dropped them stealthily under the table.) Maybe Dash is just the sort of person who needs to leave things till the last minute. Maybe he'll pull spectacular all-nighters in college. Maybe he'll work up to the wire on every deadline and his work will be great because of it.
I just don't believe that can be true. How can you work up to the wire and have time to make your work as good as it should be? Is this a case of nature not nurture, or can good work habits be instilled at an early age to avoid all that nasty fussing over last-minute deadlines later?
This morning, Dash did his homework after breakfast, for his father (I was still in bed; Mabel slept well but I had insomnia), with little or no fuss. My new plan is two reminders an evening that homework exists, and one in the morning. If he sleeps late and doesn't have time for it, that will be his problem, not mine.
Will report back. In the meantime, I'd really like to know your opinions. Are you an in-good-time-er or a last-minute-er? Do you think you could be the other if you tried hard enough, or is it hard-wired?
Labels: Ethical dilemmas, Parenting, school
posted by Maud @ 9:44 PM
8 Comments
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8 Comments:
I'm early to every appointment and every party. I have to walk around the block twice to make sure I don't surprise the host. I always did homework as soon as it was assigned. So yes, I'm the same kind of enforcer you are, I think.
Except I haven't yet let my son know that he has the option NOT to do homework right when he gets home. (Hm, parenting fail? Possibly.)
We've been arguing lately over the boy's inability to record his homework beyond what his teacher writes down, and when he gets home, he expects to magically understand the assignment. And of course I can not possibly be of any use to help jog his memory.
AND: the books he has to read aloud, while I'm making dinner, are simply TOO LONG. !!
My thoughts about this are not organized yet, but I have a feeling there's a post in here somewhere.
See, I have an enforcing problem. That's what the other half of the post was about, but it was just making me sound like a really useless parent, so I took it away. But I have no way of *making* him do something - I have to have his buy-in.
We don't have a problem with knowing what the assignment is - his homework for the week comes on a page glued into his homework journal, and it's quite clear.
We're having the same problem with homeschooling work. I feel like I'm constantly nagging in the afternoons. I'd like learning to turn into this automatic experience where we sit down and pour through books together, but it hasn't happened. What I've found is that she is more receptive to doing something in the morning. When we are really prepared, we put it out on the table and she'll work on something while we're getting breakfast ready. Maybe Dash is the same way. He's an early riser, right?
Yes, Dash is totally a morning person and is much more receptive to doing homework in the morning. The trouble is that (a) I hate leaving it to the last minute like that, and (b) if he sleeps later than usual, till 7.30, then there's no extra time for anything. So while he's usually an early riser it's not guaranteed and I hate to take the risk.
What happens at school if it's not done?
I'm a mix. I always ate my vegetables first so I could enjoy dessert last, I did daily homework as quickly as possible and got it out of the way...but I pretty much waited till the last minute with every single big assignment and research paper all through high school and college. And I unfailingly got A's on all of them. It used to drive my mom crazy too.
He hands it all in on Friday, and so far we've managed. His teacher's not a big fan of homework either (she has four boys!) so I doubt the consequences would be all that awful. But he'd get a big fat zero for his homework mark, and that might be enough of an impetus.
I am an in good enough timer. I hate it and it causes a lot of stress and anxiety in my life. Honestly, working part-time and parenting have actually motivated some changes there.
I think you have a really good plan. The only tiny unsolicited piece of advice I would give would be to wake him up five minutes earlier so he definitely has time to do it.
I don't know how Beezus gets hers done easily. I think it might be because she gets to do the homework at my desk while eating a snack and she doesn't get to watch tv or play or go outside until it's done. She occasionally will give me a hard time, but she's golden with the babysitter.
I worry Ramona could be a nightmare with homework - it's really hard to make her do stuff.
My sister-in-law had SUCH a hard time with my nephew when he was in 3rd grade with homework that she PAID a teacher to be his "homework tutor." My nephew stayed at school 3 days a week for an hour and sat with the teacher and did his homework.
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