Putting

You know what's a ridiculous concept? Putting the baby to sleep, that's what.

Really. Think about it: "I'll just put the baby to sleep, and then I can do all those things I haven't been able to do all day," you might say, blithely (if you didn't know better). But how do you put someone else to sleep?  You don't even put yourself to sleep.

Putting is active - a simple, quick and finite task that you might do with an object onto a surface. Sleep is not a surface. Another person is not an object. And while you can create an atmosphere conducive to sleep, and create habits that someone associates with falling asleep - usually habits you didn't want to create, like bouncing on an exercise ball for forty minutes while singing Ice Ice Baby, or going for a long walk in intemperate weather with a heavy baby strapped to you who will wake up as soon as the rhythmic motion stops and the warm body goes away, or, say, sucking sweet warm milk from the ultimate security object - you can't make anyone fall asleep any more than you can make them eat or poop on command.

It's hard enough to fall asleep myself; I have no idea how it happens or what I do to make it happen, it's just one of those things. I lie down, and stay there, and after a while my thoughts are going all funny and people I haven't seen in years are making illogical comments about my patio furniture. How to communicate that to a small being who's just about figuring out their own name, and then get them to want to try it - well, you tell me. No wonder we all make such a mess of it.

Some babies like sleep and are happy to be placed gently upon its downy surface by a loving parent. Others fight any attempted putting with the passion of a thousand suns, because they know that the moment they give in, everyone else will go to a party in the other room with all the best cake and the sugariest frosting and chocolate ice-cream and Other People's Toys.

I am firmly of the opinion that nothing you did made any difference. You did not break the baby. The baby is just like that, and you will probably have to amend your life somewhat to fit around it, but at least this way you're not beating yourself up about it all.