On to more amusing items.
Mabel has decided that when she's bigger she'll be a boy. She announced this to the man in the supermarket the other day: "When I'm grown up I'll have a penis." This sort of thing is so old-hat to me now that I hardly even blushed. I pretty much stood there to see what she'd say next. Which turned out to be: "My daddy has a penis." The poor supermarket man wisely decided to not quite understand her (though it was clear enough from where I was standing) and before she could repeat herself I hustled her out of the bread aisle back to the cleaning products.
There's a style of management called Managing By Walking Around. (No, really, there is. It has its own acronym and everything. I didn't spend a year getting a Diploma in Business Studies for nothing, you know. Well, mostly nothing, yes.) On Sunday morning I implemented an innovative parenting technique known as Parenting By Lying Around. (I shall acronym it thus: PBLA.)
Monkey wanted some toast. I wanted to languish on the sofa. Thus, by employing the much-vaunted (now) PBLA method, I taught him to open the freezer, remove a loaf, open the package, take out a slice, move a chair, stand on it, put the bread in the toaster, push down the lever, and wait for it to pop up - all without leaving my supine and cushioned position.
Unfortunately, he still insists on having the crusts cut off, and there I drew the line, so I had to get up. Later, I came downstairs from my shower to find his father had embraced PBLA and had Monkey enthusiastically using a paring knife to cut the crusts off for himself.
Soon we will have a fully self-sufficient son. Or a slightly perforated one.